so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You dont lie about slip and slides
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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