I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
