I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
