At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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