Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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