I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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