You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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