dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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