Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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