found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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