Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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