Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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