he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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