i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
