It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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