He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
