youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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