Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
