The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
