i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
