8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think a kid would responsible me up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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