what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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