hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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