My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
