i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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