So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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