i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
