Are we in a gay sports bar?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I looked at my own cervix.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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