What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
