haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
