why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
