I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
