we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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