you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
