he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
