thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
