Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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