you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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