The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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