after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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