I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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