1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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