I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im holly from the hills drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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