Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
