Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
