I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
