he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
