If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He shit in the fireplace
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
