the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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