He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
