There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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