i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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