I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
