Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I will pee on everything he values.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Alive.
So much puke
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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