Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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