Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
