Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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