At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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