bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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