Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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