Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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