we're blogging at a bar
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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