OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she woke up with a sticky ear
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
