the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
