I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
