So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
