i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
