why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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