Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
