I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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