He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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