I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm getting married
To pizza
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
