I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
