Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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