my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
