Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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