peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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