I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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