What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
