Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
