do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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