You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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