I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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