I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
