There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
